Are you experiencing an unhealthy emotional attachment to your business? Do you find yourself working and hustling into the ground – and always trying to control the outcome?
And then, being completely disheartened when things turn out differently?
If any of this rings true, you are going to love this conversation I had with spiritual evolution coach, Jen Beverage on the Wealthy Coach Podcast.
In this episode we dive into:
- How masculine and feminine energy play out in your business activities
- How to identify the toxic masculine and toxic masculine that are preventing you from seeing success in your business
- How to surrender to the process of building a business and stop trying to control everything
- Why you are NOT your business
- Why your lack of self-worth is holding you back in life and in business
- And finally, the one thing you can do that will truly set you free in this lifetime
Jen Beverage is a spiritual evolution coach on a mission to help driven women create a life that not only looks good to the world, but also feels f*****g phenomenal. She’s passionate about helping women create massive success by tapping into their unique gifts and sharing them with the world, authentically and unapologetically.
Connect with Jen:
Connect with me on Instagram @kendraperryinc
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Embracing The Feminine & Masculine In Business With Jen Beverage
Are you experiencing an unhealthy emotional attachment to your business and your business outcomes? Do you find yourself working and hustling into the ground and always trying to desperately control the outcome and then being completely disheartened when things don’t turn out as you planned? If any of these rings true, you are going to love this conversation with spiritual evolution coach Jen Beverage. In this episode, we dive into how masculine and feminine energy play into your business activities, how to identify the toxic masculine and toxic feminine that are preventing you from seeing success in your business. How to surrender to the process of building a business and stop trying to control everything, why you are not your business, why your lack of self-worth is holding you back in life and in business. Finally, the one thing that you can do that is truly going to set you free in this lifetime.
Jen Beverage is a spiritual evolution coach and on a mission to help driven women create a life that not only looks good to the world but also feels fucking phenomenal. She’s passionate about helping women create massive success by tapping into their unique gifts and sharing them with the world authentically and unapologetically. Thank you so much for tuning into the show. I hope you find immense value in this episode. Let’s do it.
Welcome to the show, Jennifer. Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for having me, Kendra. I’m so excited.
I’m excited to dive into everything we have planned to speak about. First, I would love if you could let our audience know a little bit more about yourself and how you got into this space.
I’m a serial evolutionist. What I am is a spiritual evolution coach for women. My brand is Uncaged Feminine. How I got into this? It’s my life story but I started out as a health coach. It’s a perfect fit. I had lost 30 pounds. I felt so empowered. I thought every woman needs to feel this way. I went to school to be a health coach. I started out weight loss coaching, evolved into an emotional eating coach. With the emotional eating, it wasn’t about the food. Eating the food was a symptom of the problem, not the actual problem. That had me dive more into mindset. I evolved into a mindset coach.
What I do as a spiritual evolution coach, it’s not that mindset isn’t part of it. It’s about looking at the bigger picture. I look at it like we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Your mind is part of it but it’s got to be mind, body, spirit. You could say I started out with the body, transferred to the mind and then moved to the spirit. Now, it’s a holistic approach. I coach one-on-one. I do sisterhood circles. I’m doing intro to human design workshops because it’s the coolest thing ever. I’m going to do a virtual retreat in October. I’m planning on doing retreats in person when that becomes a viable option for me.
Before we dive into our topic state, I’d love to know why embracing spirituality and connecting to spirit is important for women.
If they’re anything like me very much in their heads, hard on themselves, it’s a beautiful gift to lean into your spiritual gifts. One that I think we all know is intuition. It’s one that we’ve been taught to disconnect from in favor of our logic, being in our heads instead of in our hearts or in our spirit. Here’s the thing about the mind. The mind doesn’t know what it doesn’t know. We’re eternal spiritual beings. We have access to all the knowing that there is in the world. When we lean on our logic and we choose from our mind, we are missing out on so much of what life has to offer. For my two cents, we’re making life so much harder than it has to be.
People do lean into their logic. Oftentimes we’re presented with maybe some opportunity. We get that instant yes or no but then we go against it and almost start to be like, “No, not that, because of this.” You start to overanalyze. Do you agree?
You said the story of my life in a nutshell, Kendra. Still, it’s a practice for me to be like, “There it is again. I’m in my head.” What I love about human design and why I’m teaching workshops in it is because it talks about that none of us are meant to make decisions from our head. I was like, “That is so good.” We all have this innate inner knowing that is always guiding us. The only time that we move off our spiritual path is when we stop listening to it, when we disconnect it. Often we disconnect from it because what we feel or believe doesn’t match what makes sense logically. We feel like we can’t choose it because people will question us and they will say, “What are you thinking? That doesn’t make sense. This makes more money. This has so much more promise. Go to college. Get a safe job,” all of these things. What happens is we end up further from our spiritual path. Life gets frigging hard when it doesn’t need to be.
Can we come back to this intuition piece? Can you explain to the audience what to look for when they’re trying to sense that intuition? Would they be feeling something? How might that look like?
The short answer is it will look different for everybody. A general answer is feeling into it and practicing. Practice using your intuition in the small decisions that don’t matter, much small per se as opposed to the bigger ones so that you can start to trust yourself. The key to getting good intuitive advice from yourself is trusting it. When you don’t trust it, you’re not going to develop it. It won’t come natural to you. The more you trust it, the more you develop it, the more instantaneous it becomes. You’re not like, “Let me get out of my head into my heart. I’m going to do some breath work and tap in. What am I feeling? I have no freaking idea. This is uncomfortable. This is dumb.” We throw in the towel. We’re like, “This makes zero sense.” It’s trusting it in the small moments.
We’ve all heard gut instinct. You feel it in your gut. It might be excitement if it’s right for you. “That feels good.” It might be dread. That immediate dread in your gut where it’s like, “No, that’s not for me.” Some people feel it differently. They get tightness in their chest. Maybe they feel it in their heart. Maybe their shoulders tense up. Maybe they immediately make a face. That’s how their body lets them know. It’s like, “That’s not it.” Following through with it, trusting it, not trying to make it make logical sense. Here’s what I know. It won’t always make logical sense. You may not ever understand it. I can give an example here. It’s a bizarre example. I would be happy to do it.
This was years ago when I was in college. There was a class that I had to go to regularly. I could only miss maybe 1 or 2 classes before it would affect my grade. In that time, I was in my masculine go getting energy where I had to get all A’s, non-negotiable. There was this one day I was supposed to go to this class. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I showered. I got ready. My homework was done. It was the only class I had that day. The sun was out. It was a beautiful day. There was no reason for me not to go to this class.
Energetically, it felt like every time I thought about leaving, it was like, “I don’t want to leave.” My body didn’t want to leave. I wasn’t particularly tuned into my intuition at this time. It’s in retrospect that I see how cool this was. Eventually, I gave in. I was like, “I’m not going.” The following week, I go to that class. The girl that sits in front of me turns around and says, “How did you know the teacher wouldn’t be here last week?” I said, “What?” She said, “She had car trouble. She couldn’t let anybody know. She didn’t show up. We were all sitting here like, ‘Where is she?'” That is so cool.
When you were explaining that story, you mentioned masculine energy, which is a good segue into what I want to dive into. Can you talk about masculine versus feminine energy? Give a definition of each and then we can start talking about how that might apply to running a business.
We all have masculine and feminine energy. Regardless of what gender you identify with, we all have that. It’s a balance. It’s the yin and the yang. We all have access to the gifts of both. If I was talking about the masculine, it’s the consistency, the support, the structure, the confidence, that focused energy, that clarity. If I was going to talk about the divine feminine, I like to call it the healed feminine as well, it’s that unconditional love. It’s that feeling you get from that motherly person but also the intuition like we were talking about beautiful creativity. It’s one that often is overlooked and undermined but this is a gift of the feminine.
It is surrender from a place of trust, not surrender from a place of, “Screw it. I can’t do anything.” It’s not giving up like we think about waving the white flag or something. We can access that. We can also access the more toxic or the wounded traits of both. When I say these, I know you’ll be able to think of people that exhibit all of these traits. Sometimes it’s a combination. It’s not like you do all the healing and then you never fall back into the wounded or the toxic. It’s not how it works. We’re human. We have that beautiful duality. The wounded or toxic trait of the masculine is that abusing, criticizing, controlling energy. It might even be avoidance. Avoiding conversations that need to be had or avoiding tasks that need to be done. For the feminine, it can be that victim mode. It can be the codependency, the oversensitivity and even the manipulation.
When you’re talking about masculine and feminine energy, you’re not referring to gender. I want to make sure that’s clear. Men can have feminine energy and women can have masculine energy. Mostly, we have a combination of both in some way, shape or form.
It’s where you’re choosing from in the moment. One moment you can be choosing from your divine healed masculine where you’re confident. The next minute you can be choosing from your unhealed or toxic feminine where you’re being codependent or victim-y.
I’d love to bring this into business. Maybe I’m wrong, so correct me if I’m wrong. What I would consider is toxic masculine energy in business would be hustle, go, overworking, super controlled, super scheduled and not allowing room for flow, rest or things to unfold naturally. Did I hit that on the head?
It’s like you take the gifts of the masculine because there’s the support and the structure. You use it against yourself. You use it to beat yourself over the head with it and you work yourself to death. The way I like to think of the masculine and feminine energy, it’s not like one can’t be the other but in general, I like to think of the masculine as the doing and the feminine as the being. When the masculine is hyper, toxic, unhealed, it’s the doing to the detriment of everything else in your business or in your life. It can also be that avoidance that I was talking about with tasks. What you’re doing are the menial tasks that aren’t moving your business forward. You’re checking them off and you’re like, “Look at me. I’m doing my to-do list.” You get to the end of the day and you’re exhausted. You get to the end of the weekend, you’ve signed no clients. You sold no spots in your program, but you’re doing stuff.
I had a conversation about this with my co-host, Christine, on my other show, the 360 Health Biz Podcast. We find so many new business owners working a lot. They’re doing lots of stuff but in the end, they’re not moving the business forward. They’re not signing clients. They’re not making money. In our mastermind group, we’re trying to have them focus on how much time you are spending on the money-making activities in your business like working with clients, marketing and creating paid programs. It’s easy and almost safe in a way to do the busy work. That busy work doesn’t require you putting yourself out there.
You hit the nail on the head, Kendra. It’s coming from a fear-based place often for women. I am sure that men feel this way as well. I work with women. Often for women, it’s an unworthiness to be seen and undeservingness to make money. Until you heal that, you’re going to keep going on that hamster wheel. It’s frustrating. The reason I speak to this is because I know. I’ve been there. It was a story of the beginning of my business over and over again. We do get accolades. We do achieve in that way. Even when it’s not working, we keep doing it.
If someone was running a business all in their feminine, what might that business experience look like?
That would be using the gifts of the feminine against themselves. It would be like, “I’m going to surrender. When I feel like working, I will work. When creativity strikes me, then I will create something. Only until my intuition says this, then I will do it.” All of those are beautiful gifts. It’s not what you’re choosing. It’s where you’re choosing it from in that instance. It would look like they are procrastinating but using that feminine energy or these things as a crutch to not show up in their business. If they’re all in the feminine, they’re not using that structure and support that their masculine energy wants to provide them with. They’re not showing up with clarity. You’re like, “Wait until the clarity fairy pays me a visit and then I’ll move forward in my business.” They don’t move forward in their business. They don’t make any money. They don’t sign any clients and they give up. They think, “That didn’t work. That’s sad.”
“That must be the universe telling me that I shouldn’t have this business.”
They would be using that feminine. “It must be my intuition saying that it wasn’t for me.”
It sounds like in business, you need to work with both energies.
To be most powerful, you’re going to call on the gifts of both energies for you and when they’re most appropriate. Sometimes it is more appropriate for you to be in that doing phase and taking things off your to-do list. You’re not necessarily surrendering. You’re not necessarily being terribly creative, although you are creating tick marks to do this. Also, then when it is time to be creative to have your masculine allow that space. The masculine is a container that’s going to hold the container. It’s like, “Here’s the container. The container is this. I’m going to create images for two hours.” That’s the container. You invite your feminine energy in with the creative, the flow, and the intuition to work in that container to create the images that you need.
Are there any exercises that you ever have your clients do to help them embrace both these energies? How do they call it in? What does that look like?
It takes being mindful in the moment and setting the intention when they start out their day. “Where am I choosing from?” There’s a lot of inner work that needs to take place so that they feel the worthiness. They feel the deserving that that’s not getting into their way. It’s asking yourself in the moment. Tapping into your body, how are you feeling? If you’re feeling frustrated, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, sit with it for a second and ask, “Where am I choosing from? Am I choosing from my masculine? If I’m choosing from my masculine, is it supporting me in this moment? No, it’s not because I’m beating myself up that I’m not doing it fast enough and that I set aside two hours and it’s taking three hours. That’s not helping me. How can I lean into my feminine and surrender?” Sometimes all it takes is the awareness to be like, “There it is again. That’s normal. That’s what I’m choosing. I’m going to choose something else.” Letting yourself off the hook.
I see so much self-shaming in business, especially with new business owners. If you’re starting an online business, it’s a big learning curve, especially when you’re dealing with internet tech stuff and trying to figure out like, “How do I connect this to this? How do I make this happen?” In our generation, like you and me, we didn’t grow up with the internet. This doesn’t naturally come to most of us. If you’re twenty years old, then maybe it is more intuitive because you’re brought up in this world. For most of us who are in 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond, it is a new language and it does take time to learn it. I see a lot of people calling themselves stupid, getting frustrated and being so mad at themselves because they can’t figure it out.
I love that you brought that up. It’s so true. That’s coming from the toxic or wounded masculine. “What the heck is wrong with you?” It’s abusive. That’s a beautiful invitation to lean into the healed or the divine feminine, which is unconditional love for yourself. If there’s one thing that I teach my clients, it’s to love yourself. It’s to give yourself grace because you are only human. In fact, that’s one of the mantras that I share with everybody. “I’m only human.” Even though we’re not only human, we are spiritual beings. For me, it’s allowed me to let myself off the hook in the moment and redirect my thoughts instead of going down that rabbit hole of beating myself up, which made it so I was incapacitated. I wasn’t able to continue working that day because I felt so shitty for giving myself a hard time.
This leads to the other thing that I wanted to bring up is the whole concept of you are not your business. Can you speak a little bit more to that? That’s going to be useful for all the ladies in this audience and some men too.
It goes back to that proving yourself. I also want to speak to something that came to mind. It can be inner child healing. When you are putting your business on the hook for something, typically it’s proving our worth because maybe we didn’t feel worthy as a child, it can be for getting us attention that we didn’t get as a child. It can be for proving how valuable we are in the way that I can do this in the world to make money for it. Therefore, I have value. What happens is that we get so wrapped up in those scripts that we don’t even know are playing in our minds, that we become our business because we have something to prove. A lot of women will say to me, “I love my business.” What happens is when you become your business, all the other relationships in your life get out of balance and everything in your life as a relationship.
You have a relationship with money, food, your body, your home, your car, your partner, your kids, your friends, all of those things are relationships. I have never seen it done, so I’d love for somebody to prove me wrong but I’ve never seen someone who in their business is happy in every area of their life. It’s unnecessary suffering. You can’t create balance that way when you’re giving all your time and energy to your business. There’s a learning curve. It does require more effort on your part, but it doesn’t mean that you stop being you, that you stop laughing, playing, taking a vacation, stop spending time with your kids and stop going on dates with your partner because you have a business.
I hear a lot of, “I can do that when I get my business to this point. I can spend more time in nature when I’m making more money in my business. I can only do that if this happens.” Do you see that a lot?
I do. What I say to that is your life is happening. You’re not guaranteed tomorrow.
I think too, in business, it’s a test. We’ve got to throw a bunch of stuff out there, see what happens, learn from it, make adjustments. A lot of stuff that we do in our business doesn’t generate the results that we want. What I’m hearing you say is if you are your business, then every time that happens, it’s like an attack on self.
We take it personal. We internalize. It creates so much shame that it makes it difficult to move forward. It’s why so many women and I’m sure men too, give up early on in their business even though they had this beautiful dream, this beautiful gift that they want to share with the world. They become their business and make it mean something about them, whether or not they’re a success or a failure. Here’s the thing. You and I know this. You’re going to fail a zillion times before you create success. If you’re only toe dipping, if you’ve only got one foot in, you might as well get out of it from the get-go because it is a deep commitment. If we’re looking at it like it’s your business, then think about it this way. If you’re not committed to yourself and the life that you want to have, you’re not committed to your business, to your partnerships, to your friends, to your body. The way you do one thing is the way that you do everything.
It’s a big reason why building a business is this massive personal development journey that people are completely unaware of when they start a business. You have no idea. You’re sweet. “I’m going to start a business. I need to learn some tech, get some strategy and I’m good.” You get triggered a lot. You learn a lot about yourself along the way.
Honestly, having a business has been the biggest impetus for me to learn and grow in my entire life. Up until that point, I thought I was about personal growth but it was nothing compared to what you go through when you’re in business for yourself. Any of those unhealed wounds will trigger you. You can lean into them, learn from them, grow through them or you can lean back and say, “I’m out.”
I find something that has helped me a lot in businesses is to detach from it. I love my business. It’s my baby. I’m super passionate about it. I get excited about it, but I try to detach from the outcomes that happen within my business and try to look at it more objectively like, “This happened. What can I learn from this? What information is this giving me to make it better next time?” It will take me a second to do that. It’s not like I’m always attached. I can try something out and it didn’t get. I’m like, “That sucks with them. Step back. Don’t go down that rabbit hole. Let’s look at this subjectively.” I find that is helpful to me but it does take practice.
You have to have the awareness to step back. I know that takes practice. How long did it take you to learn to do that?
I have this first course/group program that I ever launched. This was in my year 2 or 3 of business. It didn’t sell. I put all this into it. I spent eight months creating it. I had a coach, ads and a webinar. I was exhausted. It was crazy how much work and money I put into it. I couldn’t make a single sale after launching it four times in a row. I, at that point, shamed myself heavily. I had fetal position on the floor, so sad. It had never occurred to me that it wasn’t going to work. I was like, “This will work. I’m going to make $15,000. It’s sweet.” It didn’t happen like that. It was hard. I think what helped me was realizing. After that happened, I gave up and I was like, “I can’t have a course.”
I can’t have a group program back to one-on-one coaching, even though I knew that it isn’t how I wanted my business model to be. I didn’t want it all to be one-on-one coaching. I went back to it and I tried to accept that this is how I was going to have to do it. The desire for something else, the course, the group program, more freedom, more income in my business had made me step back and be like, “I need to look at this differently. Other people have this. There’s no reason why I can’t do this.” I need to look at those four failed launches and figure out why it happened. It was hard to look at it because I felt so emotionally triggered every time I looked at it but I forced myself to do it.
When I was able to look at it and be like, “Let’s go through this from the beginning. What didn’t go right? Why didn’t people do this?” I did have to hire a coach to help me go through that. That’s what allowed me for the next launch that I had for it to be successful. That’s when I realized that being completely emotionally attached to the outcome of a launch and having that anxious attachment to my launch wasn’t serving me. It was a ton of information in those failures.
It goes back to that feminine trait of surrender. Your masculine shows up and does the work. It creates the container and then invites your feminine to surrender to the outcome. You can never be responsible or/nor control the outcome. You can do what you can do to control it. Once you put it out in the world, it’s not up to you. I love that you took a step back from it. I feel like one of the most valuable questions we can ever ask is not, “Can I do this?” but “How can I do this?” Assessing, “What worked, what didn’t work, what I am going to do differently next time,” and then moving forward from that space. I love that you did that, Kendra, because many people in your shoes would think exactly like you thought. “It’s not for me. I’m not meant to do it. It’s not in the cards,” even though you deeply desired it. The way I think of it is you wouldn’t desire it if it wasn’t for you.
We can always look to other people in our space who have done it. I believe if someone else has done it, you can do it too. There’s no reason why you can’t do that. At this point, there are so many people out there running online businesses but there’s always someone who’s done what you want to do. That gives so much proof to the fact that we can do it. I love what you said about the masculine in a launch situation. It does the marketing, sets up the launch, comes up with the launch plan, does the webinar. Once you’ve done those stuff, you can’t control whether someone is going to want to buy or not. You can do all the groundwork to make it more likely that they’re going to want to buy but in the end, there are one million reasons why someone’s not going to choose to buy your product or service. A lot of it has nothing to do with you.
It has nothing to do with you. I love that you know that.
I see this a lot in women. Why do you think women get so emotionally attached to their business? Why do they feel so much of this unworthiness? I do work with men and women but I see it a lot more in women than I see in men.
The short answer is because we’ve been trained to feel unworthy. From the day we were born, as women, we’ve been trained that we are wrong. If we don’t look a certain way, if we don’t dress a certain way, if we don’t drive a certain car, live in a certain house, if we’re not married or we don’t have kids. Men don’t get these questions about when are you going to have kids or when are you going to get married. That rarely happens. For women, there are many expectations on us about who we’re supposed to be. What happens from a young age is that most little girls lean into people-pleasing tendencies. They grow into women who are people pleasers.
We wouldn’t do it if we didn’t get a benefit out of it. People like us more, even though they don’t know who the hell we are. It’s a catch-22 because we’re like, “Everybody likes us,” but they don’t know you. They don’t like you. They like the version of you that you’re letting them see. This allows any real intimacy with anyone, even your partner, your kids, your best friend, your mom, your dad, whomever. We’re starting at the starting line. A little further back is a good way to put it mentally. You could go into lots of layers of that but I feel like for us, there’s something to prove. I do see that’s the way societies evolve that men are starting to deal with this more.
I’m seeing that too. I can relate to that. I remember in high school, me and my friends always trying to lose weight but, why? We were in high school. We had the best bodies that we’ll ever have. If only we knew then what we know now. I remember I read Cosmo magazine. It was always about pleasing your man, how to get in shape and lose weight. There was so little content I was consuming at the time that had to do with loving yourself, being accepting of who you are and what you look like.
The beauty is that shifting a lot but the damage is done. It’s harder for the older generations particularly. You have to understand the damage. For example, I have two daughters. The damage has been done to me. My daughters are 15 and 19. I hate to admit it but I’ve done damage to them because I didn’t know better. I was indoctrinated with that programming, training, education, whatever you want to call it. I unconsciously taught it to them just like my family unconsciously taught it to me. Even the media reinforces it. It can take an incredible amount of inner work to pull out of that story that you’re not worthy. It can be inner child healing. You can have the best parents in the world and still have inner child wounding. It’s not what happened to you. It’s how you perceived it.
Can you speak a little bit about how this might be showing up for men? I’d love to dig into that a little bit. I find that fascinating.
I don’t work with men. I have seen men. I have met men. Some of them can show up as not showing up, lacking that confidence to be who they are. For men, often it can show up as bravado where they’re showing up. They seem super confident but it’s coming from a place of low self-worth. We see it when we look around. It’d be the same as seeing someone and saying, “They’re egotistical.” Often it can be a blurred line between being confident and being egotistical or egocentric.
There are a lot of stereotypes. This is shifting around what a man is, what men should be into, how men should act and how men should express themselves. Maybe for men who don’t fit into that box, maybe they feel like something’s wrong with them.
I feel like there is a big revolution in what masculinity means for men. I see how it can be disconcerting for them. They feel like they’re damned if they do and damned if they don’t. They don’t know how to show up. Many of them were trained or indoctrinated to hide their feelings. That vulnerability was a weakness. We’re saying, “Show your feelings. It’s okay to be vulnerable.” This is to men and women in our society. It’s okay to have feelings and to share them. In fact, it’s a good thing because then they don’t mount up and eat you alive inside and you end up right in therapy. Particularly when we’re talking about interpersonal relationships, where you want your partner to open up to you and share that vulnerability but they don’t know if that’s a good thing or no. On the one hand, in men, it’s like, “I’m supposed to be the rock. How can I let her see me cry if I’m supposed to be the rock and the foundation for her?” It can make it difficult to know what to choose in that moment because we have these conflicting scripts.
It sounds like the overall message is to do work to learn how to truly love and accept yourself.
Love and accept yourself and then give yourself permission to show up as you without regard for how other people receive you. That’s how you create freedom and happiness. You will never be happy pretending to be someone that you’re not, never ever. If you think about it, if we look at our society, it’s so funny. When we’re kids, we’re groomed to be like everybody else because being different is that. As adults, if you look to people who are successful, who are notable, who the world “likes” or pays attention to, it’s because they’re unique. That’s why we want to look at them, watch them on TV, pay more money to them, watch them play sports, or we want to give our money to them because they’re saying something that’s unique. How cool is that? Here’s the thing. Every single one of us has a beautiful, unique gift to contribute to the world. When we’re pretending to be someone else, the world is lacking because of it.
It’s like the people who were the weirdest people in high school, the outcast. “Those people are weird. Don’t be like them.” They became super cool once they went to college, university and got into adulthood. Once you get out of high school, it’s the differences and the uniqueness that is valued. I love that. This is relevant to business. I talk so much about, “You’ve got to be yourself. Don’t show up as who you think you should be. If people wanted a Wikipedia textbook, they’ll go on Wikipedia. The reason why people will follow you and want to invest in what you have to offer has a lot to do with the unique flair that you bring to that topic. The truth is, there are a lot of other people out there who do what we do, but I don’t believe in competition because there’s only one me and there’s only one you.” People will naturally gravitate to the person who they connect with more.
There is only one me, there’s only one you. That is the secret sauce. If anybody said to me, “What is the secret of being successful in business?” it’s being you.
Being yourself and being unapologetically you. The other thing that I wanted to highlight before we wrap up is when you said, if you can let go of what other people think of you and judgments, you’ll find freedom. I spoke about this in an episode about getting on video. My whole point was you’re not afraid of the camera. Everyone’s got their smartphones out. They’re taking videos of everything and photos. That doesn’t bother you. The reason why you’re afraid to get on video and speak to your audience is because you’re afraid of judgment. Everyone’s judging all the time. We all judge. I’m judging you. You’re judging me. It’s not good or bad. People are going to do it anyway. I’m going to judge you no matter what you do, no matter how perfectly you show up. You might as well show up and say something meaningful and be yourself.
I read that episode. I was like, “Yes, girl.” You’re right. It is fear of judgment. Lean into the fact that people are going to judge you no matter what. Here’s the thing, our brains judge. That’s how we keep ourselves safe. It’s part of being human. What I love to lean into and I love to remind my clients of is their judgments have nothing to do with you. It has to do with their own fears and insecurities, always. Even if their judgment is “right,” even if they’re like, “She’s wearing a dumb pair of pants.” You look back years ago and you’re like, “I can’t believe I wore those pants. They were right.” Their judgment of you in that moment was, “How dare you get to be you and wear those weird pants when I don’t allow myself to be me.”
The judgments are always based on the lens through which we see the world and our experiences in the past. It has little to do with us. A big lesson in building a business is you’ve got to be out there, be yourself. Some people aren’t going to like you. That’s fine. It’s also inevitable. If you’re trying to please everyone, then you’re going to kill yourself slowly inside.
You’re watering down your message and your mission to fit in with everybody. You’re not going to connect with anybody. If you want to connect with the people that are for you, you have to be willing to be you.
Jennifer, I would love to know how the audience can connect with you if they want to get in touch with you.
I love to hang out on Instagram. I’m @UncagedFeminine on Instagram. Also, you can find my like page on Facebook but nobody pays attention to that because it’s Facebook. For the ladies in your audience, I do run a Facebook group. It’s called Uncaged Feminine Sisterhood. That’s where I hang out. I do videos in there regularly to inspire the lovely ladies in my group, to free themselves by being themselves.
For anyone who’s feeling this business emotional attachment or unworthiness, I highly suggest you to follow Jennifer. She has some great wisdom. If you can heal these inner wounds, if you can learn to love yourself, it will help you greatly in your business. It will help you to be more successful, get more clients and impact more lives. Is there anything else that we didn’t cover that you want to throw in before we sign off?
We threw a lot at everybody. There was a lot that we threw out there. I would say if you wanted to distill it down to one thing, it’s practice loving yourself a little more every day.
It’s the small increments, baby steps. Thank you so much for reading, everyone. I dropped these episodes. I will see you next time for the next episode. Thank you, Jennifer. Have a fantastic day.
Thank you so much for tuning in. I’m wondering, do you want to help me with my mission to end health coach poverty? If you do, I need all the help I can get. All I need is two minutes of your time. If you could leave me a five-star review on iTunes, that would help so much. These reviews help get my shows in front of more people, which means that I can reach more health coaches and complete my mission. Thank you so much for your help. I can’t wait to talk to you in the next episode.
- Jen Beverage – LinkedIn
- Uncaged Feminine
- 360 Health Biz Podcast
- @UncagedFeminine – Instagram
- Uncaged Feminine Sisterhood – Facebook Group
- iTunes – The Wealthy Coach